I grew up on the fringe of a neighborhood like yours. When I was very young I learned that I needed to play differently on either side of the street. When I was 12 I probably weighted 72 pounds and was strong enough to lift two coke bottles, one in each hand. At first I was easily intimidated, but then I leaned not to be. I learned to act slowly and express, in kind of a clever way, that I would prefer not to get my face smashed. Then we would play, and they learned that I was fun to have around.

Being a liberal means that you don’t stoop to that level of hyper-masculine confrontation. You sit and quietly say, “I don’t want to have to call the manager.” You act disgusted with his primitive behavior, while keeping your distance. You can break the tension by complimenting him on his taste in women. You can tell him you want to prevent him from going to jail for assault against an old man, or you can just ignore him.

Much like the police, we all have to learn to deescalate. It is very difficult to break those long-standing, deeply ingrained survival techniques, but you’re not 17, and too many people have a gun.