These are very good recommendations, but with the caveat that they are more difficult to follow than they appear.

I say this as someone who will celebrate his 55th wedding anniversary this summer. I also have been a psychologist and family therapist since before I got married.

Part of the difficulty comes from realizing that you can’t let the quest for the “perfect” interfere with the “very good.” People grow, change, have kids who turn into adolescents, which is a lot of fun for the marriage. As soon as you solve the problems of one stage you’ve already begun the next.

You have to trust that the other person cares enough about you to be watching out for your best interest, while still making sure that their needs and wants are being met. The actual balance of effort varies over time, and hopefully it becomes open and natural, that neither feels they are sacrificing too much, nor that they are expected to do so.

We have both been through terrible illnesses but they have straightened the relationship and deepened the trust.

That’s what love is. It can be a lot of fun. And now it’s spread to the kids and the grandkids, and that’s a lot of fun too.